How to Force the Marauders Out of the Closet
by JesterToTheKing
Summary: Fred and George overhear Remus and Sirius up to a few things on their new Extendable Ears. They decide to use this new information to their advantage. Slash Remus/Sirius RLSB


**Setting:** 12 Grimmauld Place  
**Time: **Winter break, 5th year  
**Ship: **Remus/Sirius  
**Disclaimer: **Don't own it. I promise. I know from my incredible writing it may _seem_ as if I own a popular book series, but I have to let you down and tell you that I own none of these charters, places, etc.

* * *

"Hey, Moony, let's play truth or dare!" exclaimed Sirius.

"Padfoot," Remus responded seriously, "We're thirty-six, not sixteen."

"But we shag like we're sixteen, don't we, Moony?"

Remus couldn't help but grin at that. "Yeah we do." He nudged over to Sirius to give him a lingering peck on the mouth.

"Oh, you can do better than that!" Sirius practically lunged at Remus, kissing him ferociously. Remus gasped out of both surprise and pleasure. Sirius took this opening as an opportunity to slip his tongue into his lover's mouth, causing Remus to groan in reply. Their tongues slid against each other as they both ruggedly gasped for breath.

Meanwhile, outside…

"George, I think it is time for testing the Extendable Ears Version 2."

"How right you are, Fred." George took the new set of flesh-colored strings out of their shared supplies set and the twins set off down the hallway to the room they were sharing.

"Fred, you go in the room and whisper to yourself, and I'll see if I can hear you."

"Or," replied Fred, "We could test them on something that is a little more exciting. Do you hear that noise coming from Remus' room? I say if we can figure out which lucky Order lady he has in there, the Ears work."

"Five galleons says it's Hestia Jones," George wagered.

"Nah, I'm going with Emmeline Vance."

"It could be Tonks."

"I doubt it," said Fred.

"Well, it's not Emmeline. I don't see her shagging Remus."

"Ew, George, of course you don't see that! That is why you keep it behind closed doors—not like you'd know."

"You know what I meant," said George angrily. "And I thought we agreed not to talk about that!"

"Sure, sure," replied Fred nonchalantly. "So are we going to do this or not?"

"Right-o, Fred."

George pulled out the Extendable Ears and placed one end in his own ear and that of his twin's. They put the other one beside the door and listened carefully.

"Not Tonks. The voice is deeper," George said.

"Much deeper," Fred said. "As deep as a man's voice."

"Oh. Well, in that case, it's Dumbledore," said George.

"Bad images! Bad images!" shouted Fred, covering his eyes.

"Like they weren't there before? I really don't want to picture Remus with anyone right now. The noises are bad enou—"

"Shh…George, I think I hear something. Dear Merlin, it's the one and only…Sirius Black!"

With that, both of the Weasley's tugged the strings out of their ears and ran to their room.

"I think there's a prank in this," said Fred.

"I think you're right. Especially with that new feature we added to the Ears."

"Oh, I definitely agree. Playing that recording should be quite interesting."

Fred and George schemed, waiting for the next Order meeting. Now, Fred and George are tricksters, but they are not bad people. They would never divulge Remus and Sirius' secret if the Marauders did not wish them to. But they could get a rise out of them.

The next day, as Hestia Jones passed by Fred in the hallway, he pulled her aside and whispered, "You know, Hestia could I talk to you."

"Sure, Fre—er—George, wait no, Fred, right?" She was obviously baffled by both which twin she was speaking to and why he'd want to speak with her. They didn't know each other all that well.

"It's Fred."

Hestia followed him up to the room which he was sharing with George and sat down on the bed.

"Hestia, you're a very pretty woman," began Fred. He grinned at her look of worry and confusion. "Oh no, don't worry I'm not trying anything." Fred realized that to say that was a bit of a lie, so he added, "Not anything like you're thinking, that is."

She just looked even more perplexed by this. "I should hope not, Fred as I am quite a bit older than you."

"Oh, so you have trouble with an age gap when it comes to dating, then?"

"It's a pretty large age gap between you and me. And it's not so much the gap, but it's that I'm older than you. I'd much prefer it the other way around."

Fred smiled to himself, happy that she was telling him so much. Both he and George had that effect on people. "Really? That's just wonderful! I love it how these things work out. You see, Hestia, I think I may know of an older man who thinks you very pretty."

"And who might that be?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing.

"Sirius Black," Fred replied, keeping a straight face. She scrunched up her face into a disgusted look. "Do give it a shot, Hestia. He's not allowed out and he's _so lonely_."

"Oh, alright. I don't see it working, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to get to know him."

"That's the spirit! Catch you later, Hestia." And with that final word, he ran out of the room, hoping that all went well.

That evening Fred met up with George after dinner.

"How'd it go with Hestia?" George asked.

"Just as we planned, if not better. She likes older men."

"But does she like gay men?" George countered.

"Right, there is a slight problem there," Fred said snickering. "And how did it go with you and Emmeline?"

"Pretty well, I think. She gets along quite well with Remus, but has never thought of him as anything more than a friend, so hopefully this won't mess anything up. But she's certainly fully convinced that Remus likes her."

"Great. Goodnight, George."

"'Night, Fred."

In the morning, Fred and George went to breakfast, hoping that either Emmeline or Hestia would drop by to eat with them. When they arrived downstairs however, the twins were in awe to see both women cutting their sausages and chewing on pancakes.

Just as Fred and George were about to sit down at the table, the couple of their attention waltzed into the room.

"G'morning Sirius, Remus," greeted Fred. He glanced over to his brother and they exchanged a look and then went to sit down—leaving one seat open next to Emmeline and one open to Hestia.

George, who was sitting next to the empty seat that was beside Hestia, beckoned Sirius next to him, so that Sirius would have to sit next to Hestia. This left the only open seat for Remus next to Emmeline.

"How are you, Emmeline?" asked Remus.

"I'm doing fine, and yourself?" she said, with a blush creeping up her face.

"Good, thanks." Remus went back to his food.

Across the table, Sirius was engaged in a slightly more interesting conversation with Hestia.

"How could you have only lost twenty house points in all your times at Hogwarts!" exclaimed Sirius.

"Maybe I was just doing it to make up for all the points that you had lost."

"Hey, that wasn't just me, it was James and Remus too," he said.

Remus looked up at his name and glared at Sirius. "Okay, fine, just James."

"That's okay, Sirius," said Hestia. "I like men who are a little wild."

George almost spat his food out. He could tell how forced that statement was, and felt a little bad for Hestia because he knew that she only said that to be nice to Sirius. George thought Sirius might be a little shocked by how forward Hestia was being, but if he was, he didn't express it outwardly.

"Well, that's me for sure. Although not so much anymore, since I'm not allowed out of the house," he complained.

"Oh, I'm so sorry about that Sirius. It must be awful when everyone goes. Maybe I should just stay around a bit sometime. It's a shame that you have to stay cooped up here all the time."

This time George actually choked. He had never realized what a nice person Hestia before this. Not being able to take much more of this flirty conversation which neither person actually wished to be happening, he turned his attention to Emmeline and Remus.

"That's a nice bracelet, Emmeline," said Remus.

"Oh, thanks," she responded awkwardly. "I—I…your ring is nice."

"Yes, it's always been my favorite. Sirius got it for me years ago."

Fred, who had also been listening in on the conversation, suppressed a laugh. How could he not have picked up on hints like these? And no one else did either.

Soon breakfast was over, and everyone went to their respective activities. Fred and George just walked away from the table and when they returned back to their room, they both burst out laughing.

"I think we did very well, Fred," said George.

"Oh, definitely. I just wish I could hear how Remus and Sirius are reacting." Fred replied.

"Have you gone daft, my friend? The Extendable Ears still do work."

They grabbed the Ears and quietly proceeded to Remus and Sirius' room.

"If they're doing_that_ again, we're leaving." Fred said.

"You know you like it, Fred," George taunted.

"C'mon, let's get on with this. I can't wait." The twins set up everything in a couple seconds, and soon they could hear what was behind that door.

"Remus, you do not know how tempted I am right now to scream out at the world and tell everyone that I'm gay," said Sirius.

"And why might that be?" Remus asked.

"Two words: Hestia Jones. She couldn't stop hitting on me at breakfast! At first I didn't catch on, but then I realized how blatantly obvious she was being."

"You know, you could have just told her you're seeing somebody."

"Moony, I thought that you were supposed to be the smart one. If I'm not allowed out of this house, I must be dating somebody in the house. We don't want her to think that."

"But you are, you know." Remus said.

"Of course I know! But I thought we didn't want to tell anyone yet."

"No, I don't think we should. Except I do have an idea of what you're talking about. Emmeline was being overly sweet, yet really shy with me today. And although I think we should continue to be extra nice, even a little flirty, to make them feel better, I did have a moment there where I wanted to kiss you, just to show her."

"Only a moment, my dear Moony?!" said Sirius, outraged. "Why, I want to ravish you all the time."

"Then we're doing an awful lot of chatting for two people who want to cut to the chase, Padfoot."

"Mmm…couldn't agree more"

At that, Fred and George pulled out the Ears.

"I don't think we could have done better, George."

For the next couple of days, Remus and Sirius kept up their flirty attitudes towards Emmeline and Hestia, but Fred and George could tell that it was tedious to do so, both for the men and the women.

The next time the Order was in session, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were playing Exploding Snaps upstairs, but Fred and George skipped out on the game to set up the second part of the plan. They were standing outside the door to the meeting, waiting for the opportune moment.

Just then, even through the charmed door, the twins heard Sirius shout out, "Damnit Snape, I didn't do that!"

_This_ was the much awaited moment.

George pulled out the Ears, and used the new feature to play the recording. Loudly. Granted, the Order was hearing through a charmed door, but the door was only charmed in one direction, so they could all tell what was on that recording. Not _who_ it was, but there was no question about what was going on.

"Sit down, Sirius," Remus said. "_Sit_," he repeated, pulling Sirius back into his chair.

Fred and George couldn't hear anything else that went on in that room, but they left the tape on, loud and clear for a good ten minutes. After that, they felt like people had gotten the gist of it, stopped the Ears, and ran back upstairs.

As the meeting let out, Fred and George could hear some members mumbling, but they made out Snape's voice among the crowd.

"It's funny, don't you think," he said in his ever permanent sneer, "that right as Black tries to deny his participation, we hear those noises, which lead us to question his participation in other…activities."

Hestia Jones gave a hearty laugh. "Those noises of which you speak, were definitely made by two men."

"And so?" Snape returned coldly.

"Well, I've just heard some things, and, er, he's not gay," she tried to explain.

"That is such convincing evidence you have there, Hestia," said Snape derisively.

"I could say more, but some things are private," she countered. "Not like you'd know that."

"I couldn't care less about Black's supposed escapades. I'm off to Hogwarts."

Sirius and Remus, knowing exactly who was on that recording, hurried back to their room.

"Dear Merlin, Padfoot. What did you do, sell a sex tape of ourselves?" Remus cried.

"Quick to accuse, aren't we, Remus? As hot as that sounds, you know I'd never do such a thing," said Sirius.

"Of course, I'm sorry; I was just a little shocked."

"Hey, that's alright, I know I was a bit more than a little shocked," Sirius said. "Maybe we should, you know, tell. I'm getting a little freaked out."

"It'd certainly take care of a few other things. Every time I pass Emmeline she turns bright red."

"And have you seen how persistent Hestia is? Sure, that's a great quality for an Auror, but…"

"I know. Well if we're gonna do this, let's do it right," said Remus.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just thought that with such a big secret, we could surprise a few people. I mean, more than they already would be."

"Ooh, this is so unlike you, Moony. But you know that it's the type of thing I'd love to do. So let's stun a few people—and not with a hex."

As part of their yearly prank, Fred and George put up their special mistletoe. After seeing Ron and Hermione greatly embarrassed by having to kiss one another or else be stuck, unable to leave from under the mistletoe, Remus and Sirius formulated a plan.

They casually walked under the mistletoe, but when they tried to take their next step from out of the doorway, it was as if there was an invisible barrier, trapping them within a few feet of one another—with most of the Order in the room.

"I just guess I have to kiss you, Sirius," said Remus, deadpanned.

"Wonderful," replied Sirius, in an equally monotone voice.

Their kiss lasted at least a full two minutes and included a couple moans from both parties.

As Remus walked off in one direction, he whispered to Emmeline, "Didn't really have an option, did I?"

As Sirius walked off the other way, he whispered to Hestia, "And that's just how I kiss people I'm not attracted to."

Both women just stood there, mouths hanging open wide. In fact, every person's mouth was gaping, except Fred and George. Neither Remus nor Sirius missed that. Remus practically dragged them to their room where they waited for Sirius.

"What do you know?" demanded Remus.

"About what?" asked Fred innocently.

"Us. Remus and I," said Sirius.

"Just the fact that your little kiss downstairs wasn't faked," said George.

"I'd bet that it was well wanted," said Fred.

"Maybe even planned," added George.

"Since your Hogwarts days, perhaps?"

"You're a perceptive duo, Fred and George," Remus said.

The twins grinned.

"Tell us, you fantastic pranksters—who are no better pranksters than the Marauders—how to startle everyone," said Sirius.

When Harry arrived in the kitchen the next morning, he screamed. Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George all followed quickly.

"What is it, Harry?" asked Hermione.

"Just look."

Laid sprawled in front of them was Remus and Sirius, shirtless, under a thin sheet. Simultaneously, they opened their eyes.

"Right. Okay. So your brothers," Sirius, paused to nod at Fred and George, "thought that it'd be hilarious to make up some fantastic fib to see how gullible you all are, but I think that this is funnier. Remus."

"Yes. Sirius and I sleep together," he said, keeping his face entirely straight. "It's rather nice."

Then, Remus jumped up onto the kitchen table and began to do an "I just scored" dance.

Hermione went bug-eyed, Harry covered his eyes, and Ron and Ginny giggled awkwardly.

The twins grinned.

Remus hopped down and continued as if nothing had just happened. "You guys don't have a problem with this do you?"

"Just with the presentation, nothing else," said Harry.

"Great," said Sirius. "Now let's snog until the rest of the people in this house walk in and faint."

* * *

**A/N: **This is the first fanfiction I've ever written. Review, please! 


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